On Adoption ~ A Miracle Comes True

On Adoption
A Miracle Comes True

Sharon's Story

I have had one of the most beautiful miracles unfold in my life and I would like to share my story with other people. I was a child of 16 when I gave up a beautiful son, who is now 31 years old. The pressure and secrecy at the time was unbelievable. The Social Worker made sure there was no one in the room when I was signing the papers. I still wonder today if that was legal to do. I thought that without parents consent, I had to be 21. This is a question I would like answered just so I could move on and let go, but I don’t have the resources to hire a lawyer.
They would not allow me to hold my baby, and only after the papers were signed would they allow me to see him. They told me not to name him, but in my heart he was my Danny. To this day the Social Worker’s words ring loud in my ears. My son had lots of dark hair and was perfect in every way, and he had his tiny hand up in the air. Her words, which still tear at my heart, were, “Oh, isn’t that sweet. He’s saying good-bye to mommie.” Sixteen years was too young to understand what I had done. I know it wasn’t buying and selling babies at that time, but it was the very same what they did to me and others.
Life went on. One year later I married [my Danny’s] father. Peter and I proceeded to have two more beautiful children, Patricia, who is now 30 years old and a handsome son, Michael, 27 years old. It wasn’t until shortly after I had my daughter did the full impact hit me on what I let happen. At 17, I was too young and did not know anywhere to write for information on Danny’s whereabouts, but in my heart I felt the brothers would look the same.
Just a little more about me. Little by little, to a disease I know today is hereditary from my Dad, [God bless him] if only he could have found the doors of AA, I had a life of about 15 years of drinking in which I became a full blown alcoholic. The last few years were so bad I really didn’t care if I lived or died. For 31 years, I prayed to God and my aunt, Agnes that I might meet my son, and prayed that he would be alive and well. I lost all hope of finding him, as I had my name in a registry since Danny was 18 years old, and had no response. I had lost all hope of becoming sober and I let my body and self go terribly. I didn’t want to live, so the drinking helped to numb the pain for what I had done to my child and I didn’t want or need to deal with reality.
Here comes the real miracle, which changed my life beyond belief. One night in the fall, 1995, I was drinking but this time I went for a walk instead of getting into my car. I sat down at the curb and started to cry and pray to God and my auntie for help and if they could hear me, please show me a sign. I looked up in the sky and I saw a beautiful round yellowish ball like the sun’s shape with long, long rays of soft white lights coming down towards me. I remember reaching out to touch them but could not quite reach them. I definitely did not know what it meant at the time and was afraid to tell anyone for fear they would think I was nuts. I continued my drinking until fall, 1996. Then my doctor told me, “You only have one liver.” I was beaten. I then joined AA. There was no doubt in my mind today that the white light was God and He was preparing me for the miracles that started to unfold in AA.
I had started once again to search for my son. The Catholic Services who took him away from me found my angel, my son, so fast this time, within one month. He had only lived 10 miles apart from me, all our lives.
We met for the first time on November 12, 1997. It was too beautiful for words. It feels like I am not on real earth here, maybe this is a little taste of heaven. I am now 1 year and 7 months sober and my precious son is in our life. My dreams and my family are complete. My right hand helper, who helped me find the courage to join AA and the courage to search for the missing piece in my life was my husband’s sister, Vera and through all the tears, pain and hard stuff in the past years, Vera was there every step of the way and is still there today for me. My mom was the only one who held Danny. Thank God, at the age of 75, she is still alive and well enough to enjoy her first grandson. She seems to have found real life, her eyes just sparkle.
Another amazing thing here is my sons pictures of when they were growing up. My sons are almost identical and today the resemblance in their eyes is unbelievable. It’s just too much when I look at them. His name is even similar to Danny, it’s Darrel.
Another big miracle is the profession my son choose. I had a strong desire to attend AA meetings right where he was training for nothing less then a drug and alcohol abuse counselor. Does this not tell you God is looking after me big time. This just blows me away, almost unbelievable.
I really want to share with other moms that there is real hope and miracles out there if we want them bad enough. I am walking proof. I hear people say, oh, well, we will wait until our adoptive parents pass on to search. I feel in my heart that is a terrible shame as all the torture I went through for 31 years. I could have died before the adoptive parents and never had this joy in my life. I now have everything in my life. My family is finally complete.

Darrel's Story

It was November of 1996, when I made a commitment to my class to search for my birth mother. At that time, I was studying to become a drug and alcohol counselor. That same week I decided I would discuss my need with my adoptive parents. I was 30 years old and I believed the timing seemed right to search for my birth mother. I grew up believing that something was missing in my life and I also wanted to thank her for my life. Little did I know what miracles were about to unfold.

I was nervous about approaching my adoptive parents. I don’t know why, we had discussed this issue many times before. As I discussed my need with them, my mother said, “That’s interesting, we saw a show on adoption while you were at school, and we thought it was about time you did this.” I got the reassurance I needed.

During school we occasionally have the opportunity to participate in guided meditations with our instructors. In one meditation, I had a momentary vision of a fetus in a womb. It seemed like a dark and cold place. I heard a voice say, “You are loved.” I thought that my birth mother may not have loved me, but at least God did. I made a clay fetus to represent this experience and shared it with my class. A few months later, I was involved in another meditation and I had another vision. This time, it was of a glowing fetus and a voice said, “Let you light shine forward.” I don’t usually have visions, I guess God was trying to tell me something.

I still sensed the timing was right to search for my birth mother. I had just learned about a government registry and new laws that were in place. I ordered the forms and my intention was to fill them out with my adoptive mother. If my birth mother’s name was in the registry, our names would have been matched. If her name was not registered, I would have at least received her last name. I left the papers at my adoptive mother’s home for at least five months.

My adoptive mother and I planned to complete the forms in November; however, my adoptive parents received a call from Catholic Social Services. My parents passed the message on to me and I contacted the social worker at school. I didn’t have a clue what she wanted. The first thing she said was, “Your birth mother would like to meet you.” I was stunned and could only remember saying, “God works in mysterious ways, when can I meet her?” She said, “Your mother is just going to be thrilled.” I didn’t have to fill out those forms after all.

Later that night, I read an article from “Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul” called “On Motherhood – To Give the Gift of Life.” The next day, I cried while I read this to my class, who cried with me. I wanted my birth mother to read it before she met me. I went to the book store that night, when one of my school mates happened to show up. She suggested that I frame the writing and put a baby picture on it. By Monday I was able to get this done and buy both my mothers “Chicken Soup For the Mother’s Soul.” This framed writing represented exactly the way I felt about my adoption and birth mother.

I met the social worker on the following Monday. The worker said I wasn’t just going to meet my birth mother but also my father, a full brother and sister. My birth mother and father married one year after I was born. I was told whether I knew it or not, I was included in their lives and I was loved. I left the framed writing and book for my family to see before I met them. The worker told me, later that week, that my gift made my parents cry and they had the gift between them when they slept.

Both my families met at the reunion. It was a powerful experience. We talked, I received a family photo album, a Saint Christopher medal and a lot of love. A day later I received a key to their home. Later, for Christmas, I got my own room at their home.

The next couple of weeks I was to learn more about my new family and myself. I found out I was Irish in addition to being Ukrainian. My birth mother was pressured to sign the adoption papers by a social worker, they would not let her hold me, but she demanded to see me after she signed. My biological grandmother tried to gain custody, knowing my mother would change her mind. By then it was too late, the deal had been done. The nurse felt sorry for my grandmother, she was the only one who got to hold me.

My birth mother and I are members of Alcoholic Anonymous. She joined AA about the same time I began my studies in drug and alcohol counseling. My mother had a vision one year before she joined AA. She was afraid to tell me about this experience because she thought I would think she was crazy. She begged God and prayed to my Aunt Agnes to help her. An unexplainable light appeared to her, she could almost touch it, and it brought peace to her. She found it amazing when I told her that Bill W., one of the founding members of AA, had this experience. She told me that much of her drinking was a result of giving me up and numbing the pain. I have shared my story at my mother’s AA home group.

Other miracles happened. I showed a copy of the writing to my school’s director. She passed it on to the director of the treatment center, which is attached to our school. Now all the mothers in treatment, whoever gave up a child for adoption will receive a copy of the writing. A few weeks later our director told me that her foster children were about to meet their birth brother under interesting circumstances. However, their birth mother had died, but their new brother too would receive a copy of the writing. My birth mother had a similar experience, before she even met me. She showed an individual the framed writing at a store. He started to cry. His mother had died before he could meet her. There have been many other miracles.

This experience has changed my life. It changed the lives of both my families and many other people. My life experience has shown me that God does work in mysterious and powerful ways. God brings healing, hope, strength and change. He does this, just because he loves us. I am not only loved by God, I am also loved by two wonderful families.

Darrel Slugoski

25 January 1998

ON MOTHERHOOD
To Give the Gift of Life

You had your eyes open a little while ago, but now you just want to sleep. I wish you would open your eyes and look at me. My child, my precious, my angel sent from heaven . . . this will be the last time we are together. As I hold you close to me and feel your tiny body warm against my own, I look at you and look at you . . . I feel as if my eyes can’t hold enough of you. For a human being so small, there is a lot of you to look at . . . in such a short time. In a few minutes, they will come and take you away from me. But for now, this is our time together and you belong to me.
Your cheeks are still bruised from your birth – they fell so soft to my fingertip, like the wing of a butterfly. Your eyebrows are tightly clenched in concentration – are you dreaming? You have too many eyelashes to count and yet I want to engrave them all in my mind. I don’t want to forget anything about you. Is it all right that you are breathing so rapidly? I don’t know anything about babies – maybe I never will. But I know one thing for sure – I love you with all my heart. I love you so much and there is no way to tell you. I hope that someday you will understand. I am giving you away because I love you. I want you to have in your life all the things I could never have in mine – safety, compassion, joy and acceptance. I want you to be loved for who you are.
I wish I could squish you back inside of me – I’m not ready to let you go. If I could just hold you like this forever and never have to face tomorrow – would everything be all right? No, I know everything will only be all right if I let you go. I just didn’t expect to feel this way – I didn’t know you would be so beautiful and so perfect. I feel as if my heart is being pulled from my body right through my skin. I didn’t know I would feel so much pain.
Tomorrow your mom and dad are coming to the hospital to pick you up, and you will start your life. I pray that they will tell you about me. I hope they will know how brave I have been. I hope they will tell you how much I loved you because I won’t be around to tell you myself. I will cry every day somewhere inside of me because I will miss you so much. I hope I will see you again someday – but I want you to grow up to be strong and beautiful and to have everything you want. I want you to have a home and a family. I want you to have children of your own someday that are as beautiful as you are. I hope that you will try to understand and not be angry with me.
The nurse comes into the room and reaches out her arms for you. Do I have to let you go? I can fell your heart beating rapidly and you finally open your eyes. You look into my eyes with trust and innocence, and we lock hearts. I give you to the nurse. I feel as if I could die. Good-bye, my baby – a piece of my heart will be with you always and forever. I love you, I love you . . . I love you . . .

Patty Hansen

November 13, 1997

Dear Darrel,

When I saw you walking towards us, it felt like I had been presented with a gift. A gift of a wonderful human being. After I hugged you and you were meeting everyone else, I watched you and for a split second I resented the fact that you had not been ours for the past 31 years. I realized that even though you were a complete individual, you are definitely a part of us, and that resentment passed very quickly because I knew it was better for you, until now, that you had not been touched by some of the people in my life.

As you walk forward into your new family, you will know, without a doubt that you are very precious to all of us. You are new to us, and yet you have been here all your life. It is so strange for me because from the first minute I saw you, it felt like you were always here. No one can really describe love, but I know that the feeling is already here, perhaps it was always here, the feeling of indescribable peace, the need to feel protective of you, and the tremendous joy like a circle being closed, completed.

I can't describe in words what I feel in my heart, but everyone lucky enough to share in this reunion would be quick to say that you have filled an empty spot in each and all of our hearts. Welcome to another part of your life and Thank You for being the wonderful young man that you are.

Vera